Our Power in a perfectly … imperfect world.

To begin with, we would like to ask a question:

When do you feel imperfect? What situations make you feel this way?

There are several situations that can make us feel imperfect. For some of us it may be when we don’t feel in tune with our bodies: a mole we don’t like, hips that are too wide, muscular thighs, or a nose we see as crooked… For others it may be something more hidden and inner: being too introverted, shy, or expansive. Other times we might feel imperfect when we do not achieve something: we are not perfect students, perfect athletes, perfect workers or perfect parents. We might feel that we are less capable or less valuable than others.

…imperfections that can make us feel uncomfortable. Wrong. Inadequate. Powerless in the face of what we feel is imperfect. We may feel we fall into the trap of perfectionism, chained to the idea of achieving a perfect image, a perfect life and a perfect job. We see apparent control of our lives as the only key to liberation. Baggy clothes to hide a physique we don’t like, self-deprecation to combat the fear of others’ judgment or striving to show ourselves proud of our imperfections, when in fact we are very attentive to the opinion of those around us. But why is the judgment of others so important to us? Why is it so important to feel perfect and are we often critical of ourselves? This happens because by showing ourselves perfect and performing we may feel that we are accepted and live up to the society in which we live. We may think that by showing ourselves perfect we are also deserving of love, respect and value. And, paradoxically, just when we begin to feel that the other person loves us it is as if our flaws disappear. This feeling is related to the fact that it changes how bodies are observed, cared for and loved by others, and, consequently, also how we observe, care for and love our bodies. Thus falling into the illusion that a perfect life will give us what we need and lack. But it does not! This is merely a shortcut to try to escape from this trap, to fill an inner void and escape from painful emotions.

Often we do not realize we are in this trap, but it may happen that something upsets us so much that we realize we are on a chain, and it is here that, with the help of loved ones or professionals, we can discover how much these imperfections or setbacks can gain value and delight us. How much walking or suddenly finding ourselves on roads never taken and imperfect is a risk, but also an opportunity. How much a mistake can teach us something new and unexpected, but above all, on our mistakes and imperfections does not depend the love of the people who really love us, rather it is precisely in moments of difficulty that we can understand who we are close to. A part of our physique that we do not like, a misunderstanding or a mistake therefore does not make us lose value as people. By working on these imperfections, we can learn to live with them and take action to change what makes us feel uncomfortable, thus coming to feel comfortable in our imperfection. In Japan there is a widespread belief, referred to as Wabi Sabi, which explains that nothing is eternal, everything is unfinished, and the secret is to accept our lives with our imperfections. The Japanese, through this belief, want to convey the idea that we ourselves, our bodies, and our lives are a collection of imperfections and incompleteness. But therein lies a secret power: that of making things and people unique. It thus encourages us to look for beauty in the imperfections of life, accepting our “cracks,” those that make us unique. It teaches us to value what we experience, observing and appreciating things in their imperfection.

Perhaps this is it, our power.

“Some imperfections we cannot control. In fact, often many of those we come across give us pleasure.”

T.Navarro, Wabi Sabi: discovering in imperfection the beauty of things